i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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