that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
