I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
