I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
