i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize