He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
