its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
