Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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