I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize