K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
nut hugger
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
