You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
