well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just invented taco cereal.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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