Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
