you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
