I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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