Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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