this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize