I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
