I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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