I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
