One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
