At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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