Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
