who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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