At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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