She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
