i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize