This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
