There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How naked do you want me to be?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
