He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
