dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
