did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
