You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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