We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
