I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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