2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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