is your mom at the bar?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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