I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My vagina just clenched in fear
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
