I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
