imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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