it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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