I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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