Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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