So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
