I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
