it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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