We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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