i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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