it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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