I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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