you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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