We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
too bad you live with your parents still
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize