what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
