I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
