dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
no you cant smoke seaweed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
