I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
