I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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