You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
