Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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