After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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