I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
