I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
