I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
