Yo dont text me then not text me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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