I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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