I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my poor anus
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
